Unsuccessful

Where to begin? It has been SO long since I've written anything on this blog! But writing is therapeutic for me so I'm going to dust of the old 17th Century Swag and post on here more often, hopefully.

I've been thinking a lot about success, and along with that, unsuccess. Technically, I know that's failure but that just seems a little harsh.

My thoughts on unsuccess began a few weeks ago at the start of the new year. I feel like the New Year always comes when I need it (though I do wish there were a few more "new years" sprinkled throughout the calendar year) and adds a few logs to my little fire of motivation.

This year's new year was especially needed as I navigated the feelings that come from miscarriage. A couple of months ago we thought we would be the parents of another darling, hairy baby this year! Everything was going so well, and so on schedule -- perfectly according to our plans!

In the end, the pregnancy was termed "unsuccesful" and suddenly I went from being pregnant, to unpregnant. Not exactly what I had in mind at the time.

Now that a couple of months have passed, as much as I disliked that experience I can honestly say I'm grateful that it happened. I don't know if I can, or should, share the beautiful feelings I have had along with the tears that inevitably come when plans that seem so perfect must change.

I feel hopeful, I feel strong, and I feel more confident in myself than I have in a long, long time.

Isn't it interesting how God can take our bitter experiences and give us something so sweet in return?

That makes me thing differently about success, because unsuccess can bring us happy endings too. Maybe not what we pictured, but still happy.

My Happiness Project: October

I'm sure my five readers (hey dad!) have been dying to know how September's Happiness Project went.

September's theme was "Restore My Body" with an emphasis on daily yoga, better posture and a bedtime.

Daily yoga evolved into a daily trip to the gym once I was cleared for exercise, so I'm still counting it!

As for my posture... it still needs some help but at least when I had poor posture this past month I thought to myself, "gosh my posture is terrible right now," and sometimes I fixed it... and sometimes I didn't.
But at least I was aware! The first step to solving my problem.

And about that bedtime. I don't really want to talk about it.

So... it's October! I think everyone has some pretty serious heart eyes for the month of October (even if our trees in Arizona don't shed their leaves until like January, or they don't shed leaves at all. Or they're cacti so, you know.)

Anyway, my theme for October is ORGANIZATION!

(don't worry -- this is not my house.)

I'm a pretty organized person, but Jason seriously puts me to shame.

The man owns a labeler for heaven's sake!

We did some major reorganization before Wells was born (#nesting) but this weekend we have been moving into a new place so it's time to re-reorganize!

I'm super excited. Like I can't wait to get in there and label my little heart out.

I also can't wait to go to The Container Store with a purpose.

So, here are my goals for October's Organization!

Have a place for everything

Make my closet a happy place to be

Simplify

(I would have taken a photo of my "junk drawer" for you, but I boxed it up this morning. Let's just say it did not look like this!)

Have a place for everything
Someone (Jason) told me once that you know you're truly organized if someone asked you for any specific item in your house and you could find it for them in the dark. I know there are some haters out there who think organization is unnecessary and a waste of time, but I'm pretty sure the time it takes to get organized is recouped ten-fold in the time we get back trying to find our keys! I've also found that when we establish habits for ourselves and our environment it frees up our minds to focus on more important things. When hair ties, paperclips and receipts all have a home it makes cleaning up so much easier because we don't even have to think "where should I put this?" The times I've felt most efficient and effective in my life have been the times I've been the most organized.

Make my closet a happy place to be

A closet is something we spend time looking through every day -- which can be a lovely experience or a stressful one. My closet is somewhere in the middle right now. It's not horribly unorganized, but I've been meaning to color-code it for the past two years and haven't gotten around to it, and something about a color-coded closet just feels right... even if I basically just have a "blue" section and a "white" section. I'm serious. I'm always at a loss for what to wear on Saint Patrick's Day. Also, I want to get ride of every. wire. hanger. That is all.

Who needs stuff anyway? This girl is totally be happy with just a white dress and an alfalfa field.

Simplify

I really want to read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up because I've heard it does a great job of encouraging us to simplify! I've always had this deep desire to stay mobile, which means I don't love accumulating things as it is. That being said though, I definitely need a good purge every once and a while. Simpler living and not defining ourselves by possessions keeps helps us prioritize what's most important in life. I also feel like simplifying applies to the kitchen. I'm totally cool with finding a few meals I really love and mostly just sticking to those -- while still trying out one new recipe a week -- for the sake of easy grocery shopping and less food going unused.

Wish me luck!

Two months of Wells!

And just like that little Wells is two months old!

The second month of his life was spent mostly in a baby wrap as I toted him around to Distinguished Young Woman rehearsals (literally ALL day long -- he was such a champ!) and furniture shopping.

The biggest distinction between his first month and his second is SMILING!

It melts my mama heart.

Throughout the day, I'll look down at him in my arms or sitting in his bouncer across the room, or standing like this like the little man he is

(he's obsessed with standing. it's kind of creepy sometimes.)

and he'll flash me a big, gummy smile and I feel things I never knew I could for him.

He has brought so much joy into my life and not a day goes by that I don't feel immense gratitude to be a mother, and also feel gratitude for my own mother and Jason's mother.

A part of Jeffrey R. Holland's general conference talk yesterday basically said it all.

He quote's a young mother who wrote him this in a letter:

"How is it that a human being can love a child so deeply that you will willingly give up a major portion of your freedom for it? How can mortal love be so strong that you voluntarily subject yourself to responsibility, vulnerability, anxiety and heartache, and just keep coming back for more of the same? What kind of mortal love can make you feel, once you have a child, that your life is never, ever to be your own again? Maternal love has to be divine, there is no other explanation for such feelings."

I couldn't have said it better myself.

That quote describes so much of what I am just beginning to understand in motherhood.

Yes, it takes me 2 hours -- sometimes longer -- to leave the house instead of 30 minutes.

Yes, I am exhausted and haven't had a full night's sleep in months.

Yes, I did voluntarily give up much of the "freedom" I once had.

And yes, I would do it all again.

I mean come on, just look at that little face!

I love you baby boy. Even more today than I did yesterday.